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Ask Eve + Your Story

Asking a question or sharing a story? I'll publish some on the blog where people can comment and also on this page. Your names won't appear in print.
For stories, here are some questions you might consider: your ages now and when you met; how and where you met; how you've put your lives together; how it's working out.
For questions: don't be shy. Your experience could be useful to others.

A Letter to Treasure

Dear Ms. Pell,

I don't write to authors although I am a voracious reader and cannot imagine a life without books and stories. I ran to my computer, however, after just finishing "love, again" to say two simple words: thank you! You may just have given me a new lease on may have.

I am a retired, 70 year old woman who has always thought the best is yet to come. After two divorces many years ago and having lived with four men many years ago plus too many men to count, I am a born-again virgin who doesn't like it but have always thought I need to accept it! I am a product of the 60s and 70s, a former stewardess and beauty queen and therefore, all screwed up about men as they have been about me. My life was always about how men perceived looks and body.....and they have never been shy about their standards in that area. As you might note, I said their standards. At 70, I don't look like I did and therefore have shut the shop down. Your book makes me wonder.....are there actually men out there who would want to be with a 70 year old woman and not judge me on the physical but maybe would value me as a person? It's a concept that floors me.

I have tried the internet senior dating sites with not much success. Most of the men are pretty clear about what they expect and I find myself running in the opposite direction. Your book was so enlightening and with such good advice that I may try again. I will steer clear of the "bad boy former athletes" and actually look at real men I think. I think. I need to process this but while I do......please let me say again......THANK YOU for jogging my mind.....a mind that has desperately needed jogging!

Oh.....I got the book at the library but plan to buy a copy to have on my nightstand for support. I also plan to read your memoir. I cannot wait to read your next book.

Also......I do hope you explored life with Dan.......such an uplifting end to a glorious read!

Take care, KO

Lana asks Eve. Thank you and good luck to you.

Three years ago, I received this telephone call from France (I was born in France) and this man tells me he "finally found me back" I could not remember him, did not believe him, and asked him all kinds of questions about my childhood. He said he had been in love with me since he was 23 (I would have been 17). He gave me details that only someone who had known me then would have known...He asked me to visit him in France (which I did) he paid for everything, and I was twenty all over again falling in love for the third time for the first time. Now, he tells me he is too old to leave his wife whom he says makes his life miserable and with whom he is no longer in love. What am I to make of this? What am I to do. He says he never loved anyone as he loves me.

Dear Lana,

I think you should forget this person as fast as you can. A married man who contacts you and invites you to visit him in France, as he did three years ago, is going to be trouble no matter how wonderful a time you had with him. Now, he is telling you that although he loves you, he plans to stay with his wife. All I can see for you is more pain if you stay in this relationship. Involvement with married people, no matter how romantic it might be for a while, usually ends badly.

From Victoria. Thank you so much!

After twenty five years of marriage and three children, I was exchanged for a twenty year old – a very commonplace mishap. It hurt. I buried myself in my work, until my sixteen year-old son charged into my office one evening and said to me: “I don’t want to see you at your computer on Saturday nights. You must go out!”

He was adamant. So I tried conferences, parties and a variety of events, where I felt totally inadequate. All my friends introduced me to their favorite bachelors. I did meet some nice men, but they all had some shortcoming I could not put up with.

I then joined an elite club of bachelors. The ladies hosted cocktail or dinner parties, the men brought wine or champagne and it turned out to be very entertaining, One day, when I was hosting the dinner, my son, who liked to come by and “inspect” my guests, singled out the man on my right, Jacques. The next day Jacques called to thank me and suggested he come by for a drink.

Just a drink? I thought I was at least worth a dinner out, so I said I wasn’t free. A week later, I asked him to join a dinner party at a friend’s house, but this time he was not free. This gallant banter went on for three months – I came to enjoy his calls, I loved his voice, although by then I had completely forgotten what he looked like!

Finally one day I suggested we go out for dinner some place. It was spring, we chose a restaurant in a garden, and exchanged our philosophy of life. He was self-possessed, had a good sense of humor, and utterly charmed me. We started dating and traveling together, I was madly in love but scared this wouldn’t last. He was 13 years my senior, had been separated from his wife for nine years, we had many tastes in common, but the idea of a real relationship obviously frightened him.

In the end he was the one who, two years later, found the dream apartment with an incredible view, which we bought together. My children had already adopted him, he is great with my grandchildren and my friends love him.

He can deal with any situation as if it were normal – I spent three years in and out of the ICU, he never looked worried, and each time helped me get back on my feet. We have discovered many countries together, life has been nothing but fun. We still totally disagree about politics and religion, and we each stand our ground without ever hoping to convince the other. We laugh about it, we will never be the mute old couple one sees so often in a restaurant. We have never had a real argument. It has been seventeen blissful years and I look forward to as many more as life will give us.

Ask Eve: MK wants time alone with her mother

A question this morning from MK, who lives on opposite sides of the country from her mother, aged 88. Her mother – with whom she has always been close – is now in a happy relationship with a man (aged 95) for a couple of years.

The problem: the man barely lets her mother out of his sight, so MK no longer has time alone with her—which she wants.
She wondered whether she was being unreasonable to want that kind of time with her mother, and what to do about the situation.

This Thanksgiving her mother and boyfriend were within driving distance, and MK wanted to go and see her mother and have some time together. The boyfriend had pneumonia, which made her mother all the more reluctant to leave him. But there were relatives nearby who could watch him.

I told MK that of course she is entitled to want that kind of time with her mother. MK should first talk with her mother, explain that she wants time with her, and then find out what her mother wants